Man #2, The Florida Transplant

24 02 2011

I knew Man #2 was an idiot before I ever met him. 

That probably sounds harsh, but the first red flag that this guy was not playing with a full deck was when he said he was primarily on Match.com to meet women with kids who could play with his daughter.  He was a divorced dad from Florida, transplanted to the Pacific Northwest for work. When his daughter visits him, he wanted her to have other kids to hang out with. 

Now, as much as I want to cut a single dad a break, I’m not buying it.  I’m trying to think of a single scenario that would cause me to go to an online dating site to find my sons some friends.

Like, NEVER.

I was thinking Man #2’s reasoning sounded more like, “I’ll go online and find a woman who can take care of my kid when she comes to visit.”  I might be completely wrong about this, but as a woman of an age when I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel on my childrearing years, I’m cautious of anyone who has kids that they’re trying to push off onto me.

So, why would I even bother to go out with him, you might ask.  Well, when he said he was just looking for friends, I figured this seemed harmless enough.  He wasn’t a troll.  He seemed like a professional kind of guy. Plus, it would be a good way to get a date checked off the list with someone who didn’t appear to be overtly sleazy, creepy, or inarticulate.

Another statement he made that should have been a red flag was when he explained that, like me, he had been working on his MBA.  He had stopped while he was working on getting a promotion at his job.  I totally understand how balancing work and education can be difficult, but I was thinking one of the best ways to get that promotion would be to finish the MBA. 

Maybe.  Maybe not.  What do I know?

The next intelligence indicator occurred in an email when Man #2 started bragging about the fact that he had an SUV.  He had a Cadillac previously, that he missed driving, but he also enjoyed driving the new SUV.  It had started to snow, and he boastfully stated that although he was from Florida, he was quite confident driving his SUV in the snow.

This was really two red flags rolled into one.  First, I am of the opinion that whenever a man starts boasting about the type of car he drives or how much money he makes, he is really trying to convince a woman what a potent beast of a man he is.  Replace the word SUV with penis in the above paragraph, and you start to get a sense of what I’m talking about.

Second, the fact that Man #2 actually thought he could drive his SUV in Pacific Northwest weather was almost laughable.  He suddenly seemed to me like a man who was more braun than brain.  I didn’t want to squash his dreams, however, so I actually didn’t even respond to this email.  I mean, who am I to tell him that it’s not really the snow, but the ice, he has to watch out for?  What do I know?  I certainly don’t want to get in the way of a man and his big SUV.  Sometimes life is the best teacher.

Ok.  I should not have even written that last sentence, because when I met Man #2 for our date the next day, all he could talk about was how much money he would have to spend to get his Trailblazer fixed.  Apparently, he had gone out in the bad weather and ended up in the ditch.  He bragged about how Channel 4 reporters interviewed him, how his driver’s side window was on the ground and the right side was up in the air.  He even boasted that he had been airborne for a moment.  He had spent 2 hours waiting in the snow for a tow truck before finally deciding to walk for 2 hours uphill in the snow back to his house.

He was so interested in talking about his SUV adventure, he didn’t have any time to ask me anything about myself.  Imagine that.  Not surprising really.

A lot of thoughts went through my mind as I sat there smiling, nodding, and sipping my coffee. 

I imagined him sitting on a couch watching “Manswers” on Spike TV. 

I thought about my little house with the few nice things I have, and how I don’t want anyone messing them up.

I thought that even though he did not have a dead animal photo on his profile maybe he needed one.

What can I say? Not all of them are winners.  As my mom likes to say, “NEXT!”

It looks like The Blues Man sent me an email.

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10 responses

24 02 2011
CMSSLPG

Oh, the tears are still running down my face…. and I needed to hurry to the powder room, I was laughing soooo hard! T Now remember, I did my dating of OVER a 100 men before meeting Mr. G in Nodakoda, and I found that the bigger the cowboy hat, the bigger the a**hole.

If they have to talk primarily about how wonderful they are, they are much to “pretty” for my little girl. Oh, and Mr. G. told me to tell you there’s the RIGHT person for you out there and if it gets to a serious point he wants to grill the guy first and your uncle L (whom I don’t think knows about this at this point and won’t learn it from me) will be right in there with him.. The guy is going to have to be a keeper!! And as you know Mr. G. and Uncle L do have prizes hanging on their walls…. !! Love ya kid, NEXT….. Mom

24 02 2011
Ann

OMG! As soon as I saw the title, I KNEW it was the guy they interviewed on the news last night. He really doesn’t realize how stupid he looked? “It was so pretty. I just wanted to drive in it.” He looked like a total fucktard. Good riddance to #2. See how much fun this is?

24 02 2011
mydatingprescription

Yeah. I can’t be seen with that.

26 02 2011
mydatingprescription

Just so you know, he sent me a link to the Channel 4 video so I could be sure and see him sitting there in the ditch. I didn’t realize dorks could be so egotistical.

25 02 2011
ElderBaud

I watched “Manswers” once – it shouted at me *way* too much to watch again.

26 02 2011
Kathy D

So, so true. The ONE time I decided to try Match.com, I said in my profile that while I LIKED children, I didn’t intend to HAVE any. Apparently, that was misinterpreted as, “Oh how I long to date a single father and raise his children.” Um, not exactly. One of the first responses I got was from a single father of two, right-wing hunting-gathering church attendee living in rural Issaquah who couldn’t BELIEVE how much he & I had in common. Yeah, probably because we had NOTHING in common aside from the existence of our Match.com profiles. Desperation is not an attractive quality in a potential mate.

Digging your posts, sweetie!!

26 02 2011
mydatingprescription

Thank you, Kathy.

26 02 2011
Ann

Hey, if you still have that link would you forward it to me? I’ll watch it when I need to feel superior and/or have a good laugh.

26 02 2011
mydatingprescription

Sorry. I don’t have it. I completely eliminated The Florida Transplant from my inbox.

15 03 2011
Man #4, The Poser « My Dating Prescription

[…] being the articulate creature that I am, to sit there unable to get a word in edgewise.  The Florida Transplant had this problem […]

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