Long Odds

26 02 2011

Truth be told, after the enjoyable conversation we had, I was really hoping The Blues Man would ask me out again.  Whether he knew it or not, with the quick elimination of The Florida Transpant, The Blues Man’s odds  of becoming the last dater standing had just increased to 1 to 98.  For anyone keeping stats, Man #1, The Blues Man’s record was 1-0-0, with 1 to 98 odds.  I was 1 and 1 on good dates and bad dates, and Match.com was up 2 to 0 on Plentyoffish.com for online communications resulting in actual dates.

I did not hear from The Blues Man the day after our date, but the next day, I received an email.  He said that time flies when you’re having fun, and he asked me how my toes were doing. 

Apparently, the silver toenails had made quite an impression.  At the bar, he had remarked that they were, “H-O-T-T-T-T-T.  Hot!”

The one thing he did not do in his email, however, was ask me out again.  I was a little bummed, but it gave me a chance to reflect on this whole experiment my therapist had encouraged me to take on.  You see, because I had 98 other men to date before getting serious with anyone, I couldn’t in all fairness do anything to explicitly encourage The Blues Man to ask me out again.  I couldn’t do that crazy thing women do to screw up relationships from the very beginning.  I couldn’t chase after The Blues Man.  No, if he wanted me, he had to come and get me.

It was the first time since I had started this little experiment that I felt my therapist might be showing some brilliance.

I started thinking about the whole dynamics of pursuit in more detail.  When a woman chases after a man, it throws the whole tone of the relationship off.  Militant feminist may hate me, but I’m not just trying to be old-fashioned here.  I’m a very strong, independent woman, but I believe the more passive a woman allows a man to be, the more passive he will become.  If the woman is doing all of the work to initiate the relationship in the beginning, she will ALWAYS find herself in that role going forward.  And, it is a thankless role.    Years down the road, she’ll be wondering why she has to do everything in the relationship and why there’s still no ring on her finger.  As The Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, says, “what happens on the first date, sets the tone for the relationship.”

Well, the first date with The Blues Man had gone pretty well, but remember, he didn’t try to kiss me at the end of it either.  So, with such long odds on The Blues Man, it was time to start looking at Man #3.




3 responses

26 02 2011

That is a really great and insightful post!

24 08 2011

Just working my way through your archives, and I wanted to second your thoughts on this. We teach people how to treat us, so if you do all the chasing, odds are you’ll ALWAYS do the chasing.

24 08 2011

Thanks, BSW. I hope you are enjoying the blog.

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