Man #4, The Poser

15 03 2011

In preparation for my second date of the day and my third coffee date out of four, I realized that I don’t have much of a dating wardrobe.  I’ve added a couple of fun pieces since my separation, but I’m still discovering numerous gaps in my wardrobe.  I don’t know how I let this happen.  Being married had apparently taken more from me than I thought.  

I was nervous about what I was going to wear to meet Man #4.  In his profile, he stated that he was a fashion and style consultant.  I considered this as I picked out my outfit, but, really, how nice does a coffee date outfit have to be??  I figured the worst case scenario was that he had seen my pathetic profile pictures and decided I needed his help.

So, I put on some jeans, my heels, an animal print top, coat, and scarf and headed out.

I arrived and Man #4 was sitting there drinking a coffee in a suit.  Now, Man #4 is a recent transplant from the East Coast, which I understand can be shocking when arriving in the land of Polarfleece® and Gore-tex®, but come on.  I love a man in a suit, but a suit, vest, tie, and a pocket square seemed a little much, even for me, lover of men in suits.   Even if a man has ventured out to a happy hour right after work, by 7 p.m. he normally has at least lost the tie. 

He did look good though.

The scenario made me completely uncomfortable though as I suddenly felt totally under-dressed.  I snapped back to my senses,  however, as soon as I looked around and realized that I was in a Starbuck’s yet again.

Let’s discuss the coffee date for a moment.  I understand why men do this.  For all the trials and tribulations that I am experiencing, I know the same thing happens on the other side of this equation.  Men don’t know who will really show up to a date any better than women do.  Profile pictures can only say so much, and no matter how many emails you may have sent back and forth, they are all just precursors to what you will experience when you finally get to that point of meeting someone face-to-face.  On top of that, men usually end up forking out the money for the check, and after a number of bad dates, I can see how the coffee date suddenly makes good financial sense.

From a woman’s perspective, however, the coffee date is cheap, especially a coffee date at 7 p.m. in the evening.  A good impression a coffee date does not make.  Top it off with the fact that several of my friends have been propositioned after a coffee date, and you have a situation that really makes a woman wonder why she should bother.  It’s again one of those things that makes women opt out for relationships with their cats.

Luckily, I was not propositioned.

Instead, it was again on of those dates where I really did not have to do anything except listen, nod my head, and utter the occasional humming of agreement. (The mm, hmm.)  It’s frustrating really, being the articulate creature that I am, to sit there unable to get a word in edgewise.  The Florida Transplant had this problem too.

He told me about his exploits in various cities around the world, several past girlfriends, and ALL about his business.  I think he DID think I needed his help.  I probably do, but I’ll stick to the free personal shoppers at Nordstrom, thank you very much.

The nice thing about sitting there, listening to him for two hours, was that I was able to discern some valuable information.  He’s nomadic, and has had several girlfriends from wealthy families who were originally his customers.  He’s not spending any money of his own, hence the coffee.

And finally, when I didn’t take the bait and offer him a ride downtown, he asked me if I knew where he could catch the bus.

Hope those fancy shoes are made for walkin’ Mister.

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10 responses

15 03 2011
Jewish, but not a doctor

So let’s see if I understand this correctly. YOU post on Craigslist asking for dates but expect the men to pay for it. You also tell them upfront that nothing, nothing will come from it. Well not at least until you have 100 dates.

During your marriage you let yourself go, showing a real lack of self respect by gaining 60 pounds on top of an ready extra 20. During the marriage you allowed your wardrobe to fall into something closer to mumu and sweat shirts than fashion wear…..

You think sex is something to reward a man for his “good” behavior. You think it is ok and even something to admire that your girlfriend can keep an ex around for nothing more than when she needs a man to fix something around her place (and you wish you had that too).

That is exactly the same as a man keeping you around for nothing more than a booty call. Except on a booty call, both parties have a good time and hopefully enjoy the experience. Perhaps a man should keep your girlfriend around for the times when he needs his laundry done or bathroom cleaned.

I hope by the time you get to 100 dates you get your self respect back, figure out not only your own self worth but that of any suitable partner in life. How can you expect a man to respect you and treat you better than he treats himself when it seems you are not willing to do that for him.

You are witty, bright and at times quite charming. I think you have a great deal to offer this world, but I think you need a bit of a reality check.

I understand that much of this is humorous and tongue in cheek, but there is more than a grain of truth in your words. Imagine what you would think of a man blogging from his perspective saying the things about women you say about men. Expecting everything from them while belittling so much about them them with every post.

Just like it will take you a certain number of dates to find the right man for you, it takes the same effort from a man to find a compatible woman. Yet you never once mention going dutch, paying for a date and blast your dates for selecting a first date that is not costly.

Online dating, especially with the approach you are taking is a blind date that has all the pitfalls of a potentially bad blind date with none of the benefits. With a typical blind date, the date is set up by someone who knows both of you and hence expects the two of you to have some sort of chance or at least some things in common.

This method is just a step above a random meet. Yet you expect the man to take you somewhere and not appear “cheap”. Perhaps you should pay for all 100 dates. This is a modern world where women have good jobs and the ability to pay for things.

Just a thought….

15 03 2011
Pandora

Wow, bitter and judgmental much? Jewish, but not a doctor apparently has had a difficult time finding love himself. He lists the blogger’s self-proclaimed short comings, as if it deems her unworthy of a good date or man. Also she does have this goal off 100 dates, however, I highly doubt she’s going to shrug off date #21 if he turns out to be her soul mate. Therefore stating that these dates are pointless for the man because, “nothing will come from it,” is just silly. And yes coffee dates are cheap and unoriginal, yet, I do see them as appropriate sometimes. But to each their own…period.

16 03 2011
Evan

Dear Mr. Jewish but not a Doctor,

I think that Ms. Prescription is being very proactive about regaining her self-respect. She has admitted areas she may have not always done what is best for her. However, I don’t think your post is fair. As a single woman and one who is not nearly as brave as Ms. Prescription, I have dealt with a lot of men who have been misleading in everything from their height to their marital status. Dating is hard for both sides and she is only talking about her side of picture. It really sounds like to me that Date #4 was more interested in trying to obtain a client than a date and when no client was available, it sounded like all he wanted was a ride.

15 03 2011
CMSSLPG

Mr. Jewish,
Let’s see, what you don’t know is Ms. looking for at least 100 dates and have fun doing it has ALWAYS been more than generous with her family, friends, and her ex…

I may be a bit old fashioned but, my husband, whom I married 9 years ago, after dating for 4.5 years and over 100++ dates, until finding MR. RIGHT says, “It’s about time the men in this world learn to step up to the plate and act like a man and learn what it means to be a husband! ”

You see, Ms. Prescription has already seen that, whether one is overweight or not. Frankly I think she is putting way to much stress on that fact because she’s probably comparing herself to the skinny little girl she was when she was little. AND I SUPPOSE YOU ARE SLIM AND TRIM TOO!!

And let me tell you MR. Jewish know it all, instead of helping to build Ms. 100 dates’s self esteem.. What do you do? You gotta KNOCK her down some more! You MUST BE REALLY PROUD of yourself!

Sounds like you’d like to rack up a few dates paid for by some slick HWPC….Knock off a piece, and then find a reason to dump her! Spose that’s what you were referring to as “benefits”……

Your kind are a dime a dozen. This time she’s searching for quality in the quantity!

BTW Ms. looking for 100 Dates has supported herself and her children never asking for anything from anyone for the last 25 years…so any man who is lucky and blest enough to make the top of the list and win her heart, will have a real DIAMOND, A QUEEN.

Do you know how DIAMONDS are made? UNDER PRESSURE! She’s a helluva of a woman.

I love you MS 100 prescription dates…The RIGHT man is out there and you do NOT have to SETTLE….

Hugs, Mom

16 03 2011
Page not found « My Dating Prescription

[…] Man #4, The Poser […]

16 03 2011
Inhale, Exhale « My Dating Prescription

[…] recap of my date with Man #4 drew the ire of one Mr. Jewish, not a doctor.  Apparently my methods have upset him and he proceeded to write his own blog post in the comments […]

16 03 2011
Kathy D

This blog is about Ms. Prescription. It is not about you, or me, or anyone else who comments, and it’s not even really about the 100 potential dates. It’s about Ms. Prescription and her process. Period. I’ve known her for ten years, and while I don’t necessarily agree with all of her thoughts about men and women and their relationships, that is irrelevant. Why? See the first two sentences in this paragraph. If it’s that important to you to express your views (while implying that they’re somehow better), then start your own blog. And remember (when you talk about self-respect): people who perseverate on attacking complete strangers are usually attacking something they don’t like in themselves. I hope you spend at least as much energy working through that as you did on your comment.

25 08 2011
Laura4NYC

Yes, some guys are truly ridiculous! Especially this shit coming from the fake East Coast! Glad you didn’t give him a ride, and I am sure he was just fine walking to the bus! Oh, and I consider Mr Jewish entertaining but also very small-minded, but it seems like you have many friends on your side…

25 08 2011
mydatingprescription

Thank you for your comment, Laura. You’ll have to read comments from Mr. J in later posts. It seems he’s come around a little.

18 07 2012
Yes, I’m A Picky Bitch « My Dating Prescription

[…] Exhale in response to “Jewish but not a Doctor” ripping me a new one after my date with Man #4, The Poser.  This process of dating and blogging has evolved, or perhaps devolved, over the past year and a […]

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