Man #9, Lawyer, Lawyer Pants on Fire

4 04 2011

Why do men think they can lie about things you will notice as soon as you look at them?  Actually, why does anyone do this?  It doesn’t make sense.

My latest match.com adventure  was a date yesterday afternoon with a man who did not display a picture in his profile, did not indicate ethnicity, and left a lot of other key details to the imagination.  He would have never showed up as one of my “Daily 5” because of this lack of information, but he emailed me saying that he liked my profile and was interested in a date.  Normally, I view profiles without pictures with suspicion.  The pictureless men are usually married, and I’m not interested in being anyone’s chick on the side.

I would normally delete a pictureless profile, but I noticed that Man #9 had a Ph.D., liked some of the same books I do, and liked to dance.  As soon as I responded, however, I had to ask for a picture.  In my mind, there is no point in spending valuable time corresponding with someone you may not find attractive. 

It turned out he was Korean.  Now, when it comes to men, I have dated the rainbow.  Ethnicity is really not a key driver or deal breaker for me.  What’s IS important? 

Authenticity.

The fact that Lawyer, Lawyer did not have a picture and was purposely vague about his ethnicity made me wonder why someone would do this.

  1. He could be married.
  2. He may have a rather public persona that requires him to be careful when dating online.
  3. He may not want to claim Asian as his race, because it would apply an additional filter in search results. 

Let’s stop here for a moment.  Consider the challenges of an Asian man on an online dating site where your chances of finding a mate hinge on search results.  I can honestly only speak for myself, however, we’ve all heard the stereotype that Asian men have small penises.  Therefore, unless you’re an Asian woman whose parents are pressuring you to find and marry an Asian man, you are probably not going to specify Asian as one of the sought after ethnicities in your profile.  I mean, what woman out there purposefully searches for a small penis?   Even if a woman finds Asian men attractive her chances of meeting someone with a small penis increase as soon as she checks the Asian box.  Hence, Lawyer, Lawyer is a smart guy.  He’s probably considered this and left the ethnicity detail out as to not constrict the search criteria.  That’s my hypothesis anyway.  Size DOES matter.

I also have to say that it’s rare that I find an Asian man attractive.  There have been moments, for sure.  One of my good friends is a very handsome Korean man, but he’s married.  There also used to be a relatively tall Japanese man who rode the same bus route I did.  He was always in a suit, had strong facial features, and was quite poised.  I would have dated him if he had asked me out, but overall, my attraction to Asian men is very hit or miss.

However, I did not want to be shallow, so I emailed him back using some of the Korean phrases I know.  (My friends and I have an ongoing dialogue about what constitutes shallow that I will need to tell you about at a later time.)

He invited me to meet him at Kuan Yin Tea House in Wallingford.  It sounds nicer than it really is.  The interior is sorely lacking, but the tea selection is quite good.

Lawyer, Lawyer showed up ten minutes late. (My departure time for any late date is 15 minutes past, and I start to get antsy after 10.)  I consider showing up late to be extremely disrespectful, so it really does not make a good first impression with me.

When he finally showed up, he was wearing black pants, black sneakers, and a worn black sweater with frayed cuffs that appeared to have a smudge of something on the front.  And this is a lawyer?  Maybe he looks better during the week.  He’s a criminal defense attorney, so maybe, maybe not.  Maybe he has spent all his money on suits, leaving no money to fund his weekend wardrobe.  Or perhaps, he’s forced to spend a large portion of his income on his student loans.  Being a lawyer is really not as glamorous in real life as it is on television.  Hard to tell. 

Anyway, we ordered a pot of tea, sat down, and started talking.  One thing I noticed right away was that Lawyer, Lawyer had a difficult time making eye contact.  This really surprised me.  I would have thought that eye contact would be an important element of making an argument, and that a lawyer should have this skill down to a science.  I will admit that I don’t know much about the professional training lawyers go through, but evading eye contact always makes me wonder what someone is hiding.  Even when I don’t like someone, especially when I don’t like someone, I will try to make good eye contact.  It’s something I’ve actually tried to work hard on over the years, so maybe I’m more conscious of it.

I also considered that it again may be a cultural thing, but most of my Korean friends make good eye contact.  Maybe the intensity of my blue Viking gaze was just too much for him…

…anyway, let’s just say that Man #9 was not a match and leave it at that.  I don’t want to say he was a liar, but it just seemed to me like he had a difficult time being authentic.

It might be time to post another ad on Craigslist.  I currently have no other dates set up for this week, but there is a very interesting email correspondence developing between me and one of my prior dates.

Stay tuned.

Photo here.

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4 responses

4 04 2011
Surrey Gal

Dating is hard work and reading your adventures doesn’t make me want to go out there and do it. However it’s good entertainment to read about it 🙂 🙂

5 04 2011
Happy Happy Joy Joy « My Dating Prescription

[…] onto match.com lately.  This was true.  I had logged on only long enough to set up my date with Lawyer, Lawyer and send the required number of emails needed to ensure that I would meet match.com’s […]

19 04 2011
Ann

I got my divorce not long after 9/11. A guy posted his occupation was “fireman”. We emailed back and forth a few times and I asked what his occupation was-he worked in the insurance industry! I confronted him about his fireman remark on his profile. He claimed it was a mistake (you clicked on your occupation). I didn’t think I would hear from him again since I busted him but yes, he emailed me back. I asked him what else he had lied about and I told him he was a loser to use 9/11heroes to try to get laid-but I told him in a much harsher way. A few weeks later, he emailed me again!!!

19 04 2011
mydatingprescription

Wow, that’s sleazy! What a creep. I’m so glad I’m not the only one dealing with these bastards. I think Lawyer, Lawyer was just not very comfortable in his own skin. He didn’t seem completely shady to me.

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