My Daily 5 – My Online Dating Profile Rant

14 06 2011

Since I’ve been buried in schoolwork for the past three weeks I haven’t had time to log on to match.com and check my Daily 5 like I should.  For anyone unfamiliar with match.com, the Daily 5 are the profiles of five men (or women, depending on your gender) that are selected by match.com and sent to a person’s profile each day.  You choose from three buttons: yes, maybe, and no, depending on whether you’re interested in meeting the prospects or no.

Match.com has not been a very productive venue for me and my online dating adventures lately.  I’m not sure why this is exactly. Perhaps I’m not logged in enough.  I just can’t stand the idea of looking like I’m online all the time like that.  Who wants someone who looks like they’re logged onto an online dating site 24/7?  I have a life, and to keep myself signed into match.com or Plentyoffish seems like it would look, well, desperate, or worse, skeazy.  It’s just my personal preference, but it may be one of the factors contributing to the fact that I’m not getting many dates from match.com.

The other factor is that I find reading men’s profiles extraordinarily boring and it takes a lot of effort for me to send an email to any of them.  (Despite the fact that I don’t like to make the first move, I have to send at least 5 emails to new men each month in order to qualify for match.com’s 6 month guarantee.)  This brings me back to my Daily 5.

Everyday, 5 new profiles arrive. Everyday, 5 profiles look and sound the same.  A while back, fellow blogger, Zak, wrote about things girls should say in their profiles, and he made some really good suggestions.  After reading his post, I made changes to my own profile, and recently, one of the best compliments I received was when a man told me that my profile was different from most of the other profiles he had read.

Similar rewrites of men’s profiles would help the banal experience of online dating immensely, and would make those men who took the time to write a unique profile stand out from the pack.  I’ve taken the following quotes from some actual online dating profiles on match.com, and here are some thoughts on this subject from my own experience:

  1. “I’m a social guy.”  This shows up a lot in men’s profiles.  What does this mean exactly? Does this mean that the man is a party animal?  Is he good at business networking? A shameless flirt who will be out every night?  Telling women that you are a social guy tells them nothing. If a man is going to write about being “social,” it would be better to describe what types of social situations he enjoys.  Does he enjoy black tie events or does he love finding a good hole-in-the-wall kind of place that he can escape to with his friends?
  2. “I’m a really easy-going guy.”  Yes, and supposedly so are about 95% of the other guys online.  This has got to be the most over-used line in online dating profiles.  Here again, I don’t know what this line means exactly, but what I have found is that the more a man insists that he’s easy-going (or drama-free or not a player) the more uptight (drama-prone or philandering) he seems to be.  Skip this one.  If it exists in your profile, take it out.
  3. “I like going out for dinner, and trying new places.”  Really? Who doesn’t?  Do you go out because you don’t have a clue how to cook a meal for yourself? What types of new places do you want to try?  Do you like Indian food? Can’t stand Italian?  These are things a woman is going to want to know, especially, for example, if she loves Italian food.  What is it about new experiences that you like?
  4. “I love a good movie.”  Rather than saying that you love a good movie, it would be better to write about your favorite movie genres or your favorite movies and what it was about them that made them your favorites.
  5. “I’m ambitious and work hard.”  This is great to know, but it is a VERY over-used line.  It’s better to write specifically about your work and what you’re passionate about, because one person’s idea of ambition will be different from another’s.  First of all, working hard does not necessarily equal results, and second, a woman could interpret this as, “I’m a workaholic.”  Workaholism is not really a plus when trying to find a mate.
  6. “Hi there. Thanks for looking at my profile.”  This sounds pathetic.  Don’t thank women for reading your profile.  If a woman is really interested in finding a man, she SHOULD be reading your profile. Save your “thank you” for right after the first date or the day after.  Not enough people in today’s world say thank you when they should.  I’m a big believer in saying please and thank you, but thanking women for looking at your profile does not add anything of substance, and it makes you sound a little woosy.
  7. “I love the great outdoors.”  Apparently, all of the men who live is Seattle love the great outdoors.  It makes sense, I suppose.  Seattle is a great place to live if you love the great outdoors.  Unfortunately, in Seattle, this not a differentiator.  Does this mean that I’ll be dragged on a death march up Mount Rainier, or that you have an extensive repertoire of campfire recipes and will be able to perfectly roast me a marshmallow?  What do you like to do in the outdoors?  Do you go sailing?  Do you ski? Have you won any competitions?  Do you know how to tie flies? WHAT?  Don’t just say that you like the great outdoors.  I like the outdoors too, but it usually involves inviting my friends over for BBQ and sitting in my backyard with a glass of wine.
  8. Don’t be angry in your profile.  This shows up in all sorts of ways.  It’s usually just an  undercurrent of bitterness that weaves its way through the profile.  If you find yourself writing about all of the things you DON’T want in a woman in a resentful, bitchy way, check it.  This never sounds good, it’s a total turn-off, and any woman who is remotely attracted to your anger, is not a healthy one.

So, there’s a theme here, right? Be specific.  When the first lines of your online dating profile sound like everyone else’s, your potential match will just look through the pictures and move on.  That means your pictures better be DAMN good!

On that note, make sure that your photos are current.  You don’t want to end up like the Italian Meatball.  Photos should be current and should vary between headshots and photos showing your physique.  If you are bald, take the fucking baseball cap off!  You’re not fooling anyone.   Don’t show 15 photos where you’re wearing cargo shorts, a t-shirt, a baseball cap, crew socks, and tennis shoes.  This seems to be the uniform of men in their thirties and forties.  Show yourself in some casual shots, but also show that you can clean up well.

Finally, if you are seriously trying to find a nice woman, DO NOT take a picture of yourself shirtless in the bathroom mirror with your cell phone.  I delete every profile that has a shirtless man in it.  (This alone might explain why I’m not getting any dates from match.com.  Anthony Weiner’s habit of taking self portraits is really not that unique.)  The thing is, the message this sends is that the man is more interested in meaningless sex than in actually finding a woman for a long-term relationship.  If that’s your thing, great, but then don’t expect the caliber of the women you’re meeting to be particularly high.

Now, I need to go peruse my Daily 5.  I’ll skim the first two sentences, and if that doesn’t catch my attention, I’ll just scroll through the pictures.

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16 responses

14 06 2011
ElderBaud

Relax – perhaps you should be more spiritual, but not religious…

14 06 2011
mydatingprescription

But that would make me just like all the other spiritual, but not religious out there.

15 06 2011
Surrey gal

Hmmm, I don’t get any daily five…. I get sometimes my perfect matches and I don’t think I EVER clicked on even one of them. They are mutants. All of them.

I’d have to agree with you, there are only very few profiles that are interesting, personal, and make me want to wink at the guy. Not many at all… and they are usually not that good looking. Damn.

15 06 2011
Zak

Based on your comments, I can only conclude that England is full of mutants… perhaps move to the States or somewhere else?

🙂

15 06 2011
Surrey gal

Believe me, most of them ARE! Really.

15 06 2011
Zak

Wow, thanks for the call-out!

I am thrilled to say that when I had an online dating profile and if I re-establish those profiles in the future, I haven’t and won’t be using any of the no-no’s above.

15 06 2011
micah111
15 06 2011
mydatingprescription

Thanks Micah. I’m sure other lists of profile tips abound. I just had to point out the ones that drive me bonkers the most.

15 06 2011
micah111

Sure.

Maybe you could check my profile out sometime and give me a critique. What do you think?

15 06 2011
mydatingprescription

I’m no expert; I just know what drives me crazy. I’d be glad to check out your profile if you want me to though.

15 06 2011
micah111

Okay great 🙂 Is there an email of yours on this site?

16 06 2011
DKL

*phew*…not one of those cliche’s appears in any profile I’ve written for any site ever.
I might put something like ‘religious but not spiritual’ though, just because I’m kind of contrary that way.

16 06 2011
mydatingprescription

I think “Religious but not spiritual” would actually lump you in with a whole bunch of people. They just don’t say it.

17 08 2011
My Way Gay Weekend « My Dating Prescription

[…] enough, there he was in the thirty-to-forty-something hetero male uniform.  While most of the men at the party were pretty fashionable, there was one guy wearing a […]

25 03 2013
Jho6323

I have found that the Daily5 is a complete waste of time and I never use it. For a guy it has only drawbacks. If you hit yes, she is immediately notified that you are interested. It could be days before you have time to email her, and that just looks like you don’t have the confidence to write her. Kiss of death. Hitting no has no benefit. What is the point of maybe? I also don’t favorite anyone, I don’t wink at anyone, and I don’t respond to the woman that wink at or email me. They are usually “not my type”. I look through the profiles, pick out woman that are interesting and then email them. If I don’t have time to email them right away, I compose an email with a few letters in the subject and some letters in the body. Then I save it to draft without sending it. That way, I have their profile saved but under the radar and I can email them later.

25 03 2013
Renee

That’s interesting that you don’t respond to women who wink or email you. It’s very rare for me to email a man, and if a man is too passive to ask me on a date I know immediately that he is not the man for me. Call me traditional, but that’s the way I am.

I agree. Daily 5? Complete waste of time.

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