My Way Gay Weekend

17 08 2011

I know there has been a lack of stories about me and my adventures with heterosexual men lately, but I had such a fun weekend with my gay friends, I think it deserves a recap.

My social butterfly flitting around has continued, and Saturday night I attended the FABULOUS Crazy Birthday Hat Party of one of my friends. The demographics were thus: approximately 35-40 gay men, 8-10 women, 7-8 married men, and 1 straight single man. (More on this in a moment.)

Since I knew the party would be attended by a mostly homosexual crowd, I considered creating a Lady Gaga-inspired beef jerky hat.  However, after I had sketched out a couple of design ideas, I was reminded that the birthday host had two dogs, and perhaps a hat constructed of meat would not be in my best interest.  In the end, I went for simple and elegant and donned my black sequined beret instead. Better to be safe than sorry.

I arrived fashionably late and was still the first woman to show up.  The birthday boy hugged me and walked me into the kitchen to introduce me and announce my arrival.

“Everybody, welcome the first lady to arrive!”

“Whoo!” a chorus of ‘hellos’.

“Oh, please, I’m no lady,” I said.

“Let’s get you a drink,” said the host, immediately setting to work to get me a drink from a countertop stocked with about twenty bottles of hard alcohol.  Now, this is my kind of party, no messing around.  Walk through the door, and a minute later I’m standing there with a vodka-based cocktail in hand.


Before long, the house was packed, more women arrived, and interesting conversations started to occur.

“Why is it that the ugliest gay man is still better looking than the best looking straight man,” one woman inquired.

“I don’t know, but there isn’t a bad looking man in here,” I replied.

It was true.  I have never seen so much male perfection packed into one venue in my entire life.  I never realized before that my friend had so many beautiful friends.  It did not bother me in the least that none of them would be interested in me.  I just enjoyed taking in the scenery.

“How good is your gaydar,” one guy asked me.

“Usually pretty good. Why?”

“Well, there’s one straight single guy here. Can you figure out where he is?”

I started scanning the room.

Sure enough, there he was in the thirty-to-forty-something hetero male uniform.  While most of the men at the party were pretty fashionable, there was one guy wearing a fisherman’s hat, t-shirt, cargo shorts, and Teva sandals.  Too easy to pick out, really.  I mean, shit, you don’t even need gaydar to figure that one out!

The truth of the matter is; he was really a pretty good-looking guy, taller than me, fit, slightly long, dirty blonde hair, nice face.  If I was into meaningless sex with a stranger, I would have totally done him.  But, I’m not, so I didn’t.  Still, I took the opportunity to talk to him briefly when he was holding one of the dogs in his lap. 

Dog guy. You know how I love that.

Later, I posed the question asked of me earlier to a gay man wearing a tiara, “why is it that the ugliest gay man is better looking than the best looking straight man?”

“Competition,” he said, “It’s a very competitive community.”

“Interesting. I had always heard it was because of the opportunity to have sex at the gym.”

“No, it’s mainly competition.”

At this point, another man had approached. I have to admit; I don’t remember what he said, but he exposed his six-pack to me and invited me to feel it.  Now, this is the second time in a little over a month that this kind of opportunity has presented itself to me.  You may recall my assessment of the hairless twenty-year-old on the Fourth of July.  Just as I had taken advantage of that opportunity when it occurred, I took a moment to feel the rippling abs of this fine specimen.  I may have even tweaked his nipples, but I will not confirm nor deny any of my actions beyond the abs. 

Then, as if to confirm his competition theory and not be outdone, the man in the tiara also lifted his shirt to show me his abdominals.

Ok. Can I just say it? 

I really like my life right now.

I mean, statistically speaking, how often do you think a married woman in her forties gets to, not only see, but touch washboard abs?

I rest my case.

Anyway, the party was a blast.  There was also a princess piñata filled with tiny bottles of booze, Tootsie pops, Starburst candies, and glow stick rape whistles.  I grabbed one of the latter for my walk to my car.

Since I had drunk a fair amount, I had waited to leave until I felt I was sober. It was 3:30 in the morning, and for some reason, I got the wild idea to text my favorite musician.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Maybe I wasn’t as sobered up as I thought.

I am now on phone probation.

I slept in until 10:30 a.m. on Sunday. This is a record for me. I’m usually up at the crack of dawn, but I felt I needed to capture as many ZZZs post party as my schedule would allow.

My way gay weekend continued on Sunday with a concert in Marymoor Park.  The Swedish band Arrival was playing the music of ABBA.  They were pretty damn good. My friends and I took our feather boas with us, and danced and sang with all of the songs.  “Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight….”

A couple of us even ended up getting our photo taken because we looked so festive. Note to self: Wear makeup to concerts because you never know when you will show up on a concert sponsor’s website.

I had a great weekend. I probably should have spent the weekend catching up on my sleep, but I figure I can sleep when I’m dead.

Finally, I want to give a plug for the It Gets Better Campaign.  The ignorance, hatred, and intolerance surrounding homosexuality really needs to stop.  My LGBT friends are some of the most loyal, loving, dependable people I know. I don’t know where my life would be without them. Take the pledge.

Photo here.




6 responses

17 08 2011
Grey Goose, Dirty

What a terrific sounding weekend! How fun!

17 08 2011

Yes, and I think there was even some Grey Goose available.

17 08 2011

beautiful post!

17 08 2011

Thanks! I’m glad you liked it.

19 08 2011

Looking good, MDP 🙂

21 08 2011


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