Following Doctor’s Orders – Part 2

28 08 2011

As a few of you have guessed, the second, and most important, part of my therapist’s prescription involved staying away from losers, control freaks, lost souls, and last but not least, running away from anyone to whom I felt immediate attraction.

So, I’ve been thinking lately about how well or how poorly I might have done with this, and this is what I have determined.

I should have run away from The Blues Man.

It wasn’t apparent to me right away.  I mean, the attraction wasn’t the intense, “take me now” kind of spark I had experienced when I met my STB-ex.  (The attraction between us had been so apparent to me and all of my friends that a few days later they were asking what had happened, were we seeing each other, and WHAT was going on.) No, my attraction to The Blues Man had been immediate, but not intense and fiery, so it didn’t register on any of my early warning systems.

It’s hard to follow this second part of my therapist’s prescription though, you know? I mean, doesn’t everyone want to meet someone to whom they feel attraction? How do you know when it’s a good attraction or a bad one?

Early on, one of my friends told me she thought The Blues Man was a player, but I figured she only knew him through my description of him on this blog so it still didn’t register.

I liked The Blues Man immediately for his sense of humor and his easy-going nature.  Of course, everything went sideways when he found out about my blog.  Consequently, I had to let him go, went on with my quest to date 100 different men, and had slowly gotten my infatuation with him out of my system.

Then, all of a sudden in early July, I received an email from him on  I can’t tell you what it said, but it was flirtatious and I responded. The next thing I knew, he sent me a friend request on Facebook.  This felt a little weird, since I knew that if he was my friend on Facebook he would see every time I posted an update on my blog. Given his feelings about my blog, I wondered if it would bother him.  That would be his problem I decided, and accepted his friend request.

We had a few emails back and forth, a phone call, and he invited me to come and listen to his band.  I couldn’t accept his first invitation, because I was going to be in Eastern Washington at my aunt and uncle’s place.  Once I was back, however, another friend of mine asked if I would want to go listen to his band with her. She had been talking with him on the phone about some business pertaining to the band, and she needed to go talk to him and the vocalist in person.

In listening to her, it seemed as though The Blues Man had really been turning on the charm, but I thought I would play it cool and assess the situation when we went to see him play.

To my girlfriend’s credit, she had no idea that he was THE BLUES MAN when she had been talking to him. It’s my own damn fault actually. I had introduced the two of them via email, because I thought they could form a mutually beneficial business connection.

Anyway, I went with her to hear him play, and after their set, he came and sat with us.  He spent most of his time talking with my friend, however, so I struck up a conversation with a man sitting alone on the other side of me. I tried to stay alert for any opening where I could be part of the conversation with The Blues Man and my friend, but I mostly got shut out.

When we left the bar, my friend told me that she thought I should put The Blues Man out of my mind.

“He’s a playa,” she said, “you’ll be dealing with bankers, lawyers, and suits in your life. You can do better than that.”

I knew she was right, but I couldn’t seem to shake the attraction I felt for The Blues Man.  He and I sent several more text messages back and forth before one thing became apparent. He would flirt with me but he was not interested in me romantically.

When the shit had hit the fan back in April regarding my blog, I had let him know that I liked him and wanted to go out with him.  When he contacted me again in July, there was a part of me that hoped he wanted to go out again. I wanted to believe that he was a nice guy, and as a result, I’ve let him play with me like a cat does a mouse that it’s about to kill.

Alas, I think he only contacted me to promote his band, and it’s time for me to run in the opposite direction as fast as I can.

I will not be a cat toy.




4 responses

28 08 2011

As far as staying away from losers, control freaks, and lost souls-I’m 54 and realizing that most men at this age that are still single are one of the above. Or have substance abuse problems, or are still trying to be teenagers, or are truth-challenged playas. There’s nothing more pathetic than an almost 60 yr old playa. It’s really hard to meet “quality” men because if they have any redeeming qualities, they’ve already been snatched up by a woman. Not to say I don’t meet any quality men, they’re just few and far between. But I’m not giving up hope because I know there’s somebody as awesome and normal as me out there! What is it they say-you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince?

29 08 2011

I love your optimism. Keep kissing those frogs, girlfriend! As this blog illustrates, it is definitely difficult to find quality, but I figure this is like shots on goal in soccer; there’s got to be a jewel hidden somewhere amongst 100 dates.

28 08 2011
Struggling Dad

I met my now runaway wife as a penpal. We spent a few years writing before realizing there was real affection. I completely get the feelings you describe for Blues Man and agree that your assessment is, to use my term, toxic for you. Not everything works out and there will be someone else.

Maybe Ann is right in her comment that “most men” in the age group she describes are not going to be going in the same direction as you. But there are others, like me, who want no part in short-term pairings and are instead looking to find that special someone that ‘fits like a glove’ if the metaphor can be taken in the romantic sense it is intended.

Good luck…

29 08 2011

A friend of mine this week told me that I need to eliminate everything negative in my life. Eliminating my correspondence with The Blues Man is just part of that housecleaning.

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