Man #21, Knight in Wrinkled Clothing

25 09 2011
“It’s just a flesh wound.”

Judging from the dental records of my last two dates, it appears I am now dredging the bottom of the dating pool.

I know that as I get older the men who are interested in me are also going to be getting older. I know I may need to start dealing with health issues and problems that were never part of my relationships before.  I may occasionally encounter someone with an enlarged prostate or perhaps even be forced to deal with erectile dysfunction.  I’ve faced the fact that women typically live longer than men and someday, maybe when I’m 80 years old, I might have to deal with a man without any teeth, but for now…

…I’m 43…

…and my last two dates have been missing front teeth!

What the fuck!

It’s not like I’m old for fuck sake! Is it seriously too much to ask that my forty-something year old dates have all of their teeth? I knew I needed to be suspicious of men who only send pictures of themselves in baseball caps, a clear indication that they are bald, but now, do I also need to watch out for the close-mouthed smile?


The actual date with Man #21 was pretty good, but I can’t go out with a man who is missing teeth more than once.  I just can’t. In fact, I would have to say that my preference is to not date men who are missing their teeth at all.  Crowns and onlays are ok, but I’m too young to kiss anyone whose lips retreat to their gums when they go to kiss me.

Receding hairlines I can do. Receding gumlines, not so much.

Is it just me or is anyone else disgusted yet?

But let me go back to the beginning.

The date almost didn’t happen. I had an appointment in Tukwila on the day of the date. As I was driving along I-405 that afternoon, a man in a beat up car with a custom daisy painted on the side rolled down his window and pointed at the front of my car. (This is never a good sign when someone in a piece of shit car starts pointing at your car on the freeway.) I pulled over to find my trusty, little Jetta’s belly pan dragging on the ground. Half of it was chewed to bits.

I was supposed to meet Man #21 at Wild Ginger in downtown Seattle by 5:30 p.m. and I knew if I had to call AAA for a tow, I would never make it.  I called Man #21 to let him know what was happening.  As luck would have it, he was in the area, and offered to come see if he could help. He was coming to save the date.

I have to say; I sort of liked that he was coming to my rescue. I’ve probably mentioned this already, but I like chivalry and I wrote an entire post on how I wanted to find a man who can fix things.

Man #21 arrived just as I finished my phone call with AAA. It was going to take them almost an hour to get to me, and by that time, Man #21 and I would miss part of the show we were hoping to see at Triple Door.

My Knight in Wrinkled Clothing got to work assessing the situation. He got down on the asphalt to peer under my car, and said he thought he had something in his car that could fix the situation.  He went to rummage around in his trunk and returned with a canvas strap.  He got back down under the car and tied the belly pan into place by fastening it to the front grill with the canvas strap.

At this point, I had not yet noticed the missing tooth, and he was my hero.

I called AAA back to cancel my tow, and Man #21 and I headed to dinner.

We went to Wild Ginger for dinner.  Although I felt the Knight was rude to our waiter, which is a major turn-off, overall, dinner was good and the conversation seemed to flow fairly well. Until…

“You’re probably wondering what happened to my tooth.”

I didn’t say anything, but grabbed my water to take a sip and tried to get a peek at his teeth.  How had I not noticed? Well, what do you know. There it was, a gaping hole where his left incisor used to be. Man #21 proceeded to tell me a tale of bad dental hygiene and the desire to play the french horn.

Apparently one tooth too many can throw off one’s embouchure.

I couldn’t believe my luck.

We finished dinner, and headed downstairs to Triple Door to see Storm Large. She was amazing.  If you’re easily offended, her show is not for you. If you are afraid of the C word applied to the female anatomy, then you might be better off staying home to watch a PG-rated DVD. As you know, however, I am not afraid of the occasional dirty word and I have not laughed so hard at a show in a long time. Not only that, but live, her voice and dynamics are incredible.

Except for the rudeness to the waiter and the missing tooth, the date was pretty enjoyable, and The Knight in Wrinkled Clothing wanted to take me out again.

The following weekend, I had a barbecue at my house with my teammates from school. As my friends were leaving, I showed one of my male classmates my car. I told him about Man #21.  I showed him the canvas strap and explained that I was planning on taking the car in for an oil change in a couple of days, so that replacing the belly pan would be free. He knows how badly I would like to meet a man who can fix things.

“Well, he can sort of fix things,” he said of Man #21.

Unfortunately, sort of’s not good enough when it comes to teeth.

I think I’ll have to stay away from brass players, and stick to dating guitarists and drummers.




8 responses

25 09 2011
Your Tijuana Dentist « My Dating Prescription

[…] my past two dates have been visibly missing incisors, I decided to do a little research. While I was on my last two […]

26 09 2011
Surrey gal

That’s good that he pointed it out! Otherwise you could end up meeting him again! And how brave of him to admit to bad oral hygene 🙂

26 09 2011

I think I would have noticed eventually. Although it was a little dark in the restaurant.

26 09 2011

Ah, so did he say when his implant or bridge was going to be set? & did he say he has since learned from poor oral hygiene and cleaned up his dental act? Just curious!

Nice of him to come do a quick fix job on the car, so you could get to where you were going.

Hope you’re having a good week! Waiting, of course, for the next installment.

26 09 2011

He took the crown that he had on it out to play the french horn.

11 10 2011
Man #22, The Suitor « My Dating Prescription

[…] an interesting experience to have your own work read back to you. She was reading the post about Man #21, and said I sounded like a snob.  (I find this interesting, considering that I don’t recall […]

7 11 2011
Kathy D

I’m just a commenting fiend tonight, aren’t I? Two things: 1) pay attention to how your date (male or female) treats the waitstaff, because that’s how they will treat YOU in a relationship; and 2) having been in bands and orchestras from age 10 to age 17 and subsequently having known MANY brass players (even dated some), I have NEVER heard any of them say their embouchure was improved by missing choppers. I played woodwinds (flute, piccolo, oboe) and I know it would make me sound WORSE if a tooth were missing, especially one in the front. The only thing I can think of is that he lost the tooth and was accustomed to playing toothless, THEN got the crown and couldn’t adjust to it. Still, though, the rudeness to the waiter trumps all tooth considerations. Blog fodder!!!

7 11 2011

In my twenties, I was a cocktail waitress, so I pay attention to how people treat their servers. His treatment of the waiter made me feel embarassed and uncomfortable. I found myself trying to make up for his actions by engaging the waiter in conversation and being nice. As my mom says, “NEXT!”

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