Man #28, The Chinaman

25 07 2012

No, before you ask, I can neither confirm nor deny the endowedness of The Chinaman. I didn’t go there.

I can also neither confirm nor deny via the internet whether or not the word endowedness is a real word. I fear it is one of those words people make up and use until it becomes common in the English language, like misunderestimated.

Could someone verify this for me, please?

Anyway, I’m feeling a little beat up lately. I’m not going to be a big crybaby, but I am going to whine about it for the next few sentences  paragraphs. You see, I don’t think I need my readers picking my dates for me. I know what I like in a man, and I knew there was nothing to pursue with The Chinaman before I ever went on a date with him. I only went because some of you who shall remain…(Kathy, Kat, and Will) …said I needed to step out of my box and start asking men out. Then, there was all this crap about the qualities I liked about him, how we had sought each other out throughout the evening, yada, yada, yada.

Plus, lately some of my friends have been alluding to this idea that I need to keep my dates around after I date them. To which I have to ask…

…WHY?

Do you people think I’m lonely?

According to Facebook, I have more friendships than I can reasonably be expected to maintain. I am not lacking in friends. Scratch that. I have a lot of acquaintances. I have a handful of friends. My friends are people I can summon in the middle of the night if there is an emergency. My friends know about my shady shenanigans, and they love me anyway. My friends know when to stop asking questions and just hand me the fucking corkscrew.

I don’t need to go around acquiring a stable of male friends. I’m looking for a romantic partner, someone for a long-term relationship, and someday, someday soon I hope, before everything shrivels up and falls apart, I would like to get laid.

The only way keeping my dates around makes sense is if I have future plans to host a singles party and invite single women and all of my cast-offs. I suppose that way, if a woman is looking for a man with a flavor saver shaped like a little bird feeder, she can have him. The Karaoke Kripple could go to a woman with Florence Nightingale Syndrome. And, perhaps, finally, The “Masseur” would find a woman who wants a “deep” massage.

Believe me, ladies. If you want them, you can have them.

But I digress, and I’m ranting again. I don’t want to rant. I just want to say that from now on I will be following my own compass. Thank you very much.

So, you’re probably wondering what happened with The Chinaman. Well, the acquisition of this date actually ended up being far more involved than I anticipated. Hence my justification for the above whining. Since The Chinaman and I had not exchanged numbers on the night of the party, I had to go through the hostess to let him know I was interested in seeing him again. I contacted the hostess of the singles’ party where The Chinaman and I had met. I had to provide his name and the tidbit he had provided, and she sent him an email, informing him of my interest.

See, right there, I knew I was sending the wrong signal, or at the very least, a signal that might be too strong for my actual intention.

Within a few days, I received an email from The Chinaman and we lobbed a few more emails back and forth before settling on a date and time to meet again.

We met and ate sushi at Blue C Sushi. You may remember that The Chinaman’s claim to fame was that he could clean out a buffet, and this was apparent as I watched the plates stack up on his side of the table. I had my usual spider roll, salmon, and cream puff for dessert.

We talked much like we had on the night of the singles’ party. It was a banter filled with mostly meaningless information. Neither one of us was really digging very hard for the kind of information you might be seeking if you’re actually seeking a relationship if you know what I mean. It was just chit-chat. It was nice. It wasn’t awkward. It just wasn’t anything to write home about, and I think it left The Chinaman wondering why I had contacted him for a date.

At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, gave me a peck on the cheek, and we said goodnight. Although The Chinaman is a really nice guy, he is too fine boned for me to find him sexually attractive. I’m also not going to keep him around in the friend zone, and, quite honestly, I don’t think most guys want to be “just friends” with a woman anyway. I happen to believe Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, in “When Harry Met Sally…”

Men and women can’t be friends.

I don’t care how intellectually attractive a man may be; if you can’t see yourself having sex with him at some point, it’s best to just release him back out into the pond. I might see The Chinaman at next year’s singles’ party, but we won’t be going out on a date again.

And finally, after a few more emails with The Flavor Saver, I have also decided that I won’t be going back for any more facial hair up the nose action either.

I don’t know. Am I wrong? How do guys really feel about being in the friend zone?

The photo at the top of this post is from Grammarly on Facebook. Go LIKE them.

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15 responses

25 07 2012
Jen

There is no need to keep the cast offs around! I think that people who do that also have hoarder tendencies… I may need this in the future but for the life of me i don’t know why. Then all of a sudden you are surrounded by a bunch of men you don’t like!? Purge! Purge! Purge! It also keeps you open to the right person when the come around rather than focusing your energy on all of the wrong ones.

25 07 2012
Wilma

I think women just end up using men in these situations, and I don’t want to do that. And, you’re right. I certainly don’t want to meet a great guy and have to explain why I have my last 28 dates hanging around.

25 07 2012
egointhesea

Wow, I really respect you for your understanding and empathy. I fear both sexes don’t see the other perspective often enough.

Personally, I am fine with being friends with certain females, but I definitely wouldn’t want to become friends with someone I went on a date with. I would be initially sexually interested, and that wouldn’t just go away, and this sexual tension would just distract both parties from finding who they really want.

If I’m friends with a girl, it’s just because of our circumstances and the feeling of mutual respect and understanding, not because we tried a relationship and it didn’t work or our need for opposite sex platonic friendships.

(With an attitude like yours, any guy who wants to be just friends with you would be easily available and make it happen)

26 07 2012
Wilma

Yeah, when that sexual tension is there it makes a friend zone relationship pretty awkward, and even from the woman’s perspective, the relationship isn’t as comfortable as it could be if the desire for more wasn’t there.

Through activities, you end up meeting people who may become platonic relationships, or maybe just activity partners, but, even then, when one of the people gets in a relationship with a new person, things change. This explains why most of my male friends are gay.

26 07 2012
egointhesea

Hmm, I think they can change, but that’s a good test of what kind of relationship it is. My friendships with a couple female friends have been constant through their relationships. Most, however, definitely have to be adjusted in order to allow for healthy romantic relationships.

26 07 2012
Wilma

Yes.

26 07 2012
Cdn Stormlover

Great post! I totally agree with Billy Crystal on this topic. A fellow blogger posted a recent study in one of his blogs (which I had later elaborated on). Here’s the post link (I’m sure you’ll find it VERY interesting)….
http://squammie.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/3010/

26 07 2012
Wilma

Thanks for the link. I’m not surprised that men in male-female friendships felt more attraction than females.

26 07 2012
Cdn Stormlover

Nor I……go figure! LOL

28 07 2012
Kathy D

I am realizing the reply in my head could be an entire blog of its own, but I found the study (or the way the subjects responded to it) kind of presumptous in a very het, Protestant, sexual-attraction-is-shameful kind of way. Also, like you, I didn’t think there were any surprises in it. It should have been titled, “Study Shows What Pretty Much Everybody Knows Anyway.” I know I’m sexually attracted to many of my male friends (het, gay, in relationships, not in relationships), but I just think of that as a natural feeling that is neither good nor bad. It’s how we feel about our own sexuality (and more importantly, how we choose to ACT on those feelings) that can be qualified as having a negative or positive impact. IMHO.

28 07 2012
Wilma

After being married, I don’t have many male friends left. The ones who were around because they wanted more quickly dropped off when STBex came into the picture. In some ways, that’s unfortunate, but not the end of the world either.

28 07 2012
Kathy D

Oh, and I meant “Puritanical” not “Protestant.” No way to edit once I’ve hit “Post Comment.” Apologies to any protestants who are not puritanical. 🙂

28 07 2012
Wilma

Thank you for the clarification. 🙂

28 07 2012
Chicago-Style Girl

Kudos to you for pulling out when you know you’re done. If you don’t, you’ll only end up kicking yourself later for wasting your time past when you knew you were done.

28 07 2012
Wilma

Yes, at my age, I don’t have time to waste on the wrong person. Although The Chinaman is really nice, he’s not for me.

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