Man #29, The Kept Man, Part 1

30 07 2012

As much as I found myself fantasizing about who My Stalker/Super Fan might be, I tried to balance my daydreams with the search for a real-life, flesh and blood date. Despite my earlier resistance to OkCupid, I actually found I was getting emails from more intelligent men through this online dating site than I had from match.com or Plentyoffish.

After several rather long emails with a divorced father of two, I scheduled a date to meet Man #29 in Pioneer Square for a beer and a peanut butter bacon burger at McCoy’s Firehouse. I found him in a booth and he won brownie points right away by telling me that the pictures in my online dating profile didn’t do me justice. Considering how many times men have complained to me that the women they met didn’t look as good in person as they did in their online profile photos, I took this as a huge compliment.

We had a great conversation. He happened to be one of my favorite types, the well-read, intelligent, technology geek. He also happened to live in a very nice zip code. He told me all about his days with a local software company, how he had worked on a couple of business start-ups, and how he had thrown million dollar fundraisers. It was all very impressive. I found myself feeling slightly inadequate.

He elaborated on his divorce. He had been married to an executive at another local technology company, and when they had children, he quit his job to stay home with them. At this point, it had been ten years since he had worked outside the home. He had won a large child support and alimony settlement in the divorce, which allowed him to continue to stay home and care for his children.

I told him I was working on my legacy project. (Believe it or not, it’s not a dating blog.) I covered the major project details as well as some other things I had in the hopper. Man #29 and I got along great, and ended up talking over our beers until 11 o’clock at night. Toward the end of the evening, in a very awkward, stuttering, bumbling fashion, he asked if I would go out with him again.

I found it rather charming in an “oh my god, I’m rendering him almost speechless” kind of way, and, smiling, I said, “I would love that.”

He walked me to my car, gave me an awkward kiss, and we parted.

The next day I received an email thanking me for the date. Most men forget to say thank you, maybe they don’t think it’s necessary, or maybe they don’t have any manners, but this guy was doing everything right. I responded in kind.

A few days later, I had an email from Man #29 asking me if I would accompany him to dinner at Metropolitan Grill. He had seen an article about some free-range wild boar from Spain they were serving, wanted a date, and worried that I would think him less environmentally conscious because of it. This is how I responded,

“Wild boar is one of my favorite things. If this is even remotely related in taste and texture to the cinghiale I had in Italy, I will look forward to having an orgasm in the restaurant, with moaning and eye rolling included, like Sally, in When Harry Met Sally, only I won’t have to fake it. In recent years, I have tried everything that has popped up in the news claiming a resemblance to wild boar and usually been disappointed, but I don’t want to prejudge. I assume the chef at the Met knows what he’s doing.

So, in my quest for amazing pork, my answer would be yes, yes,…YES!

Instead of thinking that it’s not green, think about the fact that it’s free-range.

Ciao and chow!”

I had to say yes. I mean the damn thing spent its days wandering around the European forest eating fresh acorns for fuck sake. How could I say no? We set a date for our porkfest and I eagerly awaited my foodgasm.

In the meantime, I got bored one evening and asked Man #29 if he could step out for an impromptu date. He agreed, and we again found ourselves conversing over beers and bar food. During this date, he started to tell me more about how his wife had been a runaway wife, how he had continual drama with his ex, and some discipline problems with his teenage son. I listened attentively, and injected comments and questions where it seemed appropriate. He complained that he was still very much at his ex’s beck and call.

“Why don’t you set some boundaries?”

“Well, she pays me a lot of money, so I try not to rock the boat,” he said.

Oh dear, I thought. He got the kids, but his wife still had custody of his balls. I wanted to see the good things about him, but I don’t deal well with other people’s drama, especially when it’s coming from an out of control ex. This second date was merely ok, since it mostly consisted of talk of his home drama. I’m all for letting a man vent, but at the end of the night, I felt emotionally fatigued.

I was enjoying our exchange of intelligent emails, and I wasn’t ready to write him off over a dominating ex just yet. I kept my date for porkfest.

Photo here.

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Ok, I’ll Try OkCupid

29 06 2012

If you are a reader who has been following my adventures since the beginning, you may have wondered how I happened to get an email from my STBex on OkCupid if I wasn’t on OkCupid.  Well, the truth is; I’m now on OkCupid.

Last year, when I initially set up my online dating profiles, I was unfamiliar with the dating sites that had not existed before I met STBex.  I was aware of eHarmony and match.com, but the free sites like PlentyofFish and OkCupid were new to me.  If you have been reading from the beginning, you may recall that, because I received a message that my computer was attacked by malware while I was browsing OkCupid, I had decided to forego creating a profile on that site at that time.

I had settled on a paid subscription on match.com and a free profile on Plentyoffish.

Despite my failure to create a profile on OkCupid, they apparently had enough information about me to send a birthday message last year, which, although I was pissed to get a notice that I was a year older, served as a reminder that I should go broaden the age range of men I’m interested in on the other dating sites.  Even at that point, however, I refused to fill out an online dating profile on OkCupid.  Over the past year, however, I’ve talked to some of my friends and readers and discovered that quite a few of them were using OkCupid to meet people.  I try to keep an open mind about these things, so I finally decided to go check it out in more detail, malware or not.

Quite honestly, my newfound interest in OkCupid really came down to two things.  First, my six month free membership with match.com, which I had managed to score by qualifying for their guarantee, ran out, and they automatically billed me $107 for another year.  I called match.com’s customer service and had the charges reversed.  Quite frankly, I couldn’t justify the price.  I had only gone on 7 dates from match.com in a year.  That’s $15.29 plus tax per date!  Now, some of you romantics out there might be thinking,…

…getting winked at,…$8.92 per month,…

…coffee date with a man from match.com,…$15.29 + coffee

…meeting the man of your dreams…priceless,

…but I don’t think so.  Ok, maybe, yes, meeting the man of my dreams would be priceless, but I don’t think I’m going to find him on match.com.  I just don’t think so.

First of all, you have to remember that I am extremely cheap, by which I mean frugal. Plus, I have no evidence to prove that my $15 dates were of any better quality than my free dates from Plentyoffish and Craigslist.  In fact, when it comes to bang for my buck…

…wait…no,…sadly, I can’t say that.

There has been no banging.

(Sigh)

Anyway, what I was going to say was that, despite the horror stories one hears about Craigslist, the two free ads I had placed on Craigslist had resulted in far more dates than any of the time and energy I had put into creating and editing my online dating profiles.  Furthermore, I have had a number of dates from Craigslist that have gone quite nicely, so, consequently, I just didn’t see the point in paying $107 dollars plus tax for another year of being winked at by men on match.com who never seem to ask anyone out.  I politely insisted that Match reverse the charges on my credit card and hide my profile.

It’s official.  I am no longer on match.com.

The other factor affecting my decision to try OkCupid was that I have come to believe that there are no literate men on Plentyoffish.  You may recall the creepy, poorly worded email I received last year.  Sadly, this email is representative of most of the messages I have received from men on Plentyoffish.  Most men will forego saying anything about my feet, but, as far as grammar and spelling are concerned, this is pretty much what communication on Plentyoffish looks like.

Plus, Plentyoffish has this feature called “Meet Me,” where you can simply click through a series of pictures and click yes or no as to whether or not you would like to meet the person in the picture.  I swear; every time I receive an email telling me someone wants to meet me, I open it, and have the same reaction that occurs when I find a long forgotten container in the back of my refrigerator, pop it open, and discover something truly sickening inside.  We’re talking fear and gag reflex in one motion as I race to close it.  Because of this, I have gotten to the point where I don’t even open “Meet Me” emails from Plentyoffish anymore.  I also don’t open the weekly email I receive telling me that I have new matches.  If I receive an actual email from a man on Plentyoffish, I will go check it out.   Let’s face it, sometimes it’s just damned amusing and makes for good blog fodder.

I don’t want to say that all of my Plentyoffish dates have been bad.  That’s not true.  I have had a few good ones, but the ratio of good dates and emails to bad is just far too low.

All this is to say that I had become tired of the fish on Plentyoffish, and I was ready for a change, hence my decision to finally give OkCupid a try.  OkCupid has an interesting feature where they ask questions, and then match people up by the percentage of questions you have that are similar.  Therefore, when you look at a person’s profile, it will say something like,

95% Match, 89% Friend, 10% Enemy.

Now, this I find rather interesting.   There seems to be an unlimited supply of questions to answer.  One guy I found had answered upwards of 1400 questions.  I have not answered anywhere close to that amount, but it did make me wonder about something.  You have to remember that, with my new MBA, I have taken statistics.  As a person answers more and more questions on OkCupid does a linear regression occur allowing for increased accuracy in the site’s matching capability?

Now, I’m probably WAY over-thinking this.  After all, some of the questions on OkCupid are pretty stupid.  Perhaps with more questions answered you are more likely to be matched with a drunken college student, for that is who I think may have written a lot of these questions.  However, it does make you wonder, and it is rather comforting to be able to cruise through the answers and discover that the man you might be interested in…

…does not want to be peed on during sex,

or

…does not think it’s ok to tell racist jokes,

or

…does not want an open relationship.

Pick your poison.

So, anyway, there you have it.  I am officially on OkCupid, and I’ve already had three dates, which I will tell you about very soon.  Have a great weekend.





Rom Com, Scene 2

6 02 2012

So, in the romantic comedy that is my life, I anxiously awaited my date with Man #24. I remembered the last time I saw him. We had both been at a party at our friends’ house. It was summer and I remember what I had worn and what he looked like. I was in a turquoise linen skirt that I had purchased in Italy and a wrap-front halter top that probably showed a bit too much cleavage, and he had been in a light-colored pair of pants and white shirt and had his hair in a long ponytail. It was 2006, before my emotionally turbulent relationship with STBex, and I was about 80 pounds lighter than I am today.

This last fact had me extraordinarily nervous to meet him again. I’m sure that’s the me he remembered, and I dreaded the thought of the first moment when he saw me again. What would he think? Various scenarios and self-critical thoughts went through my head. I really didn’t feel like being rejected again because of my weight.

I talked to my friend again, and ask her what she thought he might think about how much weight I’ve gained.

“His weight’s gone up and down too. He doesn’t seem like someone who judges people like that.”

This didn’t really bring me any comfort. Anyone who has done any online dating at all can tell you that even the fattest guys on Match.com still want a woman who is “athletic and toned.”  I went into a brief period of self-loathing and grief, mourning the woman I used to be, the sexy one in the halter top and skirt.

Perhaps as a way to put my guard up, I said, “You know, I’m not usually into guys with ponytails.” (The only exception had been a Mexican tamale with a ponytail like Antonio Banderas in Desperado, and even that had been short-lived…but yummy.)

“Oh, he doesn’t have the ponytail anymore.”

“Oh that’s good.”

“Well, our phone conversation went really well, so I’m looking forward to our date,” I said. Secretly, I was thinking it was SO much easier to stay fat and introverted instead of going out to meet someone who had seen me in my former hotness.

But I did it. I screwed up my courage, put my big girl panties on (really big), and went to meet him at Schultzy’s in the U District.





Man #23, El Jefe, Part 1

12 12 2011

Believe it or not, on one of my trips back to Seattle about a month ago, I managed to take time out from school and work to have a date, two dates as a matter of fact. (Which is why my dear readers will be getting the recap in installments.)

I know! And you thought this dating blog had gone completely sideways, never to right its course.

Man #23 found me on Match.com. He sent a wink and then an email and thus started our volley of communication. I looked up his profile and discovered that he lived in the Portland area. Normally, I ignore winks and emails sent to me by men from other cities, but I decided that Portland might be close enough to see what this guy was about.

He was going to be in town over the weekend, and wanted to know if I would meet him for coffee.  We had left the actual meeting time up in the air during the day, because I was busy with something I was doing with my kids. I told him I would send him a text message when I was free, and if he could still meet, I’d be open to it.

So, that’s what I did. I quickly received a response that said, “I can meet you in ten minutes.”

Oh shit. What if I wanted to change clothes or at least run a comb through my hair? I quickly changed my clothes, jeans, brown shirt, turquoise and brown necklace and bracelet, earrings, and leapord ballet flats, and I was out the door. I ended up feeling as though I would be late, so imagine my surprise when I arrived at our rendevous point and did not find him there.

We agreed to meet at one of the largest Starbucks stores in Seattle. Big mistake. The place is always completely packed. I walked in and didn’t see anyone looking remotely like my date’s picture. I sent him a text, “Walking into SBUX now. Are you here?”

No answer.

I started to feel self concsious. Since I didn’t receive a response, I started to think that maybe he was there, saw me walk in, and decided he didn’t want to meet me. I decided to play it cool and get in line for a coffee.  I ordered a skinny peppermint mocha, tried to nonchalantly look around while I waited for my order, and then, tried desparately to find an open seat once I had my hot little drink in my hot little hands. I managed to find an open chair where I had a clear shot of the door.

Ten minutes. No answer.

Sipping slowly.

Twenty minutes. No answer. I scrolled back through my text messages to see when he had sent the “I’ll be there in 10 minutes” text.  It had been forty minutes.

I ran out of sips. My drink was gone, and I was well past my fifteen minute threshold for tardiness. I got up, threw my cup away and headed outside. For whatever reason, I decided to send him another text, “Leaving now. Let me know if you still want to meet.”

I had only walked a few stores away and was looking at shoes when he called me. He had gotten lost and had just received my text message from earlier. I let him know that I was in a store about a block away, and if he started to walk in my direction, I would meet him halfway.

I started walking and this time found him. He was about my height, 5′-10″ ish, dark brown eyes, olive skin like I like, and jet black hair so thick it almost stood on end. He explained that he had gotten lost and asked if I was upset. I assured him that I wasn’t upset. (Secretly, I realized that these things don’t upset me much anymore. I just leave. After 22 other dates and 77 more to go, I seem to be taking the “men are like buses” stance on being stood up, knowing that, good or bad, there will be another man along shortly.)

We agreed that the crowded Starbucks setting seemed suboptimal and opted for having a relaxed conversation while strolling slowly past storefronts. It felt very Italian passeggiatta-like.

Like me, he was a little thick around the middle. The time I’ve spent in Eastern Washington has managed to undo all of the hard work I’ve done with my personal trainer, and I feel just as chubby as ever, although arguably stronger. Like me, an injury had hindered Man #23’s ability to work out over the past couple of years. It turned out that before his injury, he had run marathons, and before my injury, I had cheated death on 2nd Avenue by riding my bike to work. A couple of years ago, I took a header on Lake Washington Boulevard, which left me unable to lift or turn my head for over a week, and even after four months in physical therapy, I’ve never been quite the same again.

From blown out calf muscles, his from running, mine from dodgeball, we both suffered occasional plantar fasciitis.

Quite the pair, wouldn’t you say?

In a way, I think I felt I had found a kindred spirit. Both of us had been much thinner before, and could sympathize with the effects that injuries had had on our bodies. We had a good conversation, although at times, it felt as though Man #23 was interviewing me. I wasn’t afraid to call him on it, and he confessed it was probably a side effect of his work. I tried harder to ask him more questions, and discovered enough to know that I wouldn’t mind going out with him a second time…

…And, El Jefe decided to stay in town an extra day to take me out again.





Following Doctor’s Orders – Part 2

28 08 2011

As a few of you have guessed, the second, and most important, part of my therapist’s prescription involved staying away from losers, control freaks, lost souls, and last but not least, running away from anyone to whom I felt immediate attraction.

So, I’ve been thinking lately about how well or how poorly I might have done with this, and this is what I have determined.

I should have run away from The Blues Man.

It wasn’t apparent to me right away.  I mean, the attraction wasn’t the intense, “take me now” kind of spark I had experienced when I met my STB-ex.  (The attraction between us had been so apparent to me and all of my friends that a few days later they were asking what had happened, were we seeing each other, and WHAT was going on.) No, my attraction to The Blues Man had been immediate, but not intense and fiery, so it didn’t register on any of my early warning systems.

It’s hard to follow this second part of my therapist’s prescription though, you know? I mean, doesn’t everyone want to meet someone to whom they feel attraction? How do you know when it’s a good attraction or a bad one?

Early on, one of my friends told me she thought The Blues Man was a player, but I figured she only knew him through my description of him on this blog so it still didn’t register.

I liked The Blues Man immediately for his sense of humor and his easy-going nature.  Of course, everything went sideways when he found out about my blog.  Consequently, I had to let him go, went on with my quest to date 100 different men, and had slowly gotten my infatuation with him out of my system.

Then, all of a sudden in early July, I received an email from him on match.com.  I can’t tell you what it said, but it was flirtatious and I responded. The next thing I knew, he sent me a friend request on Facebook.  This felt a little weird, since I knew that if he was my friend on Facebook he would see every time I posted an update on my blog. Given his feelings about my blog, I wondered if it would bother him.  That would be his problem I decided, and accepted his friend request.

We had a few emails back and forth, a phone call, and he invited me to come and listen to his band.  I couldn’t accept his first invitation, because I was going to be in Eastern Washington at my aunt and uncle’s place.  Once I was back, however, another friend of mine asked if I would want to go listen to his band with her. She had been talking with him on the phone about some business pertaining to the band, and she needed to go talk to him and the vocalist in person.

In listening to her, it seemed as though The Blues Man had really been turning on the charm, but I thought I would play it cool and assess the situation when we went to see him play.

To my girlfriend’s credit, she had no idea that he was THE BLUES MAN when she had been talking to him. It’s my own damn fault actually. I had introduced the two of them via email, because I thought they could form a mutually beneficial business connection.

Anyway, I went with her to hear him play, and after their set, he came and sat with us.  He spent most of his time talking with my friend, however, so I struck up a conversation with a man sitting alone on the other side of me. I tried to stay alert for any opening where I could be part of the conversation with The Blues Man and my friend, but I mostly got shut out.

When we left the bar, my friend told me that she thought I should put The Blues Man out of my mind.

“He’s a playa,” she said, “you’ll be dealing with bankers, lawyers, and suits in your life. You can do better than that.”

I knew she was right, but I couldn’t seem to shake the attraction I felt for The Blues Man.  He and I sent several more text messages back and forth before one thing became apparent. He would flirt with me but he was not interested in me romantically.

When the shit had hit the fan back in April regarding my blog, I had let him know that I liked him and wanted to go out with him.  When he contacted me again in July, there was a part of me that hoped he wanted to go out again. I wanted to believe that he was a nice guy, and as a result, I’ve let him play with me like a cat does a mouse that it’s about to kill.

Alas, I think he only contacted me to promote his band, and it’s time for me to run in the opposite direction as fast as I can.

I will not be a cat toy.





My Daily 5 – My Online Dating Profile Rant

14 06 2011

Since I’ve been buried in schoolwork for the past three weeks I haven’t had time to log on to match.com and check my Daily 5 like I should.  For anyone unfamiliar with match.com, the Daily 5 are the profiles of five men (or women, depending on your gender) that are selected by match.com and sent to a person’s profile each day.  You choose from three buttons: yes, maybe, and no, depending on whether you’re interested in meeting the prospects or no.

Match.com has not been a very productive venue for me and my online dating adventures lately.  I’m not sure why this is exactly. Perhaps I’m not logged in enough.  I just can’t stand the idea of looking like I’m online all the time like that.  Who wants someone who looks like they’re logged onto an online dating site 24/7?  I have a life, and to keep myself signed into match.com or Plentyoffish seems like it would look, well, desperate, or worse, skeazy.  It’s just my personal preference, but it may be one of the factors contributing to the fact that I’m not getting many dates from match.com.

The other factor is that I find reading men’s profiles extraordinarily boring and it takes a lot of effort for me to send an email to any of them.  (Despite the fact that I don’t like to make the first move, I have to send at least 5 emails to new men each month in order to qualify for match.com’s 6 month guarantee.)  This brings me back to my Daily 5.

Everyday, 5 new profiles arrive. Everyday, 5 profiles look and sound the same.  A while back, fellow blogger, Zak, wrote about things girls should say in their profiles, and he made some really good suggestions.  After reading his post, I made changes to my own profile, and recently, one of the best compliments I received was when a man told me that my profile was different from most of the other profiles he had read.

Similar rewrites of men’s profiles would help the banal experience of online dating immensely, and would make those men who took the time to write a unique profile stand out from the pack.  I’ve taken the following quotes from some actual online dating profiles on match.com, and here are some thoughts on this subject from my own experience:

  1. “I’m a social guy.”  This shows up a lot in men’s profiles.  What does this mean exactly? Does this mean that the man is a party animal?  Is he good at business networking? A shameless flirt who will be out every night?  Telling women that you are a social guy tells them nothing. If a man is going to write about being “social,” it would be better to describe what types of social situations he enjoys.  Does he enjoy black tie events or does he love finding a good hole-in-the-wall kind of place that he can escape to with his friends?
  2. “I’m a really easy-going guy.”  Yes, and supposedly so are about 95% of the other guys online.  This has got to be the most over-used line in online dating profiles.  Here again, I don’t know what this line means exactly, but what I have found is that the more a man insists that he’s easy-going (or drama-free or not a player) the more uptight (drama-prone or philandering) he seems to be.  Skip this one.  If it exists in your profile, take it out.
  3. “I like going out for dinner, and trying new places.”  Really? Who doesn’t?  Do you go out because you don’t have a clue how to cook a meal for yourself? What types of new places do you want to try?  Do you like Indian food? Can’t stand Italian?  These are things a woman is going to want to know, especially, for example, if she loves Italian food.  What is it about new experiences that you like?
  4. “I love a good movie.”  Rather than saying that you love a good movie, it would be better to write about your favorite movie genres or your favorite movies and what it was about them that made them your favorites.
  5. “I’m ambitious and work hard.”  This is great to know, but it is a VERY over-used line.  It’s better to write specifically about your work and what you’re passionate about, because one person’s idea of ambition will be different from another’s.  First of all, working hard does not necessarily equal results, and second, a woman could interpret this as, “I’m a workaholic.”  Workaholism is not really a plus when trying to find a mate.
  6. “Hi there. Thanks for looking at my profile.”  This sounds pathetic.  Don’t thank women for reading your profile.  If a woman is really interested in finding a man, she SHOULD be reading your profile. Save your “thank you” for right after the first date or the day after.  Not enough people in today’s world say thank you when they should.  I’m a big believer in saying please and thank you, but thanking women for looking at your profile does not add anything of substance, and it makes you sound a little woosy.
  7. “I love the great outdoors.”  Apparently, all of the men who live is Seattle love the great outdoors.  It makes sense, I suppose.  Seattle is a great place to live if you love the great outdoors.  Unfortunately, in Seattle, this not a differentiator.  Does this mean that I’ll be dragged on a death march up Mount Rainier, or that you have an extensive repertoire of campfire recipes and will be able to perfectly roast me a marshmallow?  What do you like to do in the outdoors?  Do you go sailing?  Do you ski? Have you won any competitions?  Do you know how to tie flies? WHAT?  Don’t just say that you like the great outdoors.  I like the outdoors too, but it usually involves inviting my friends over for BBQ and sitting in my backyard with a glass of wine.
  8. Don’t be angry in your profile.  This shows up in all sorts of ways.  It’s usually just an  undercurrent of bitterness that weaves its way through the profile.  If you find yourself writing about all of the things you DON’T want in a woman in a resentful, bitchy way, check it.  This never sounds good, it’s a total turn-off, and any woman who is remotely attracted to your anger, is not a healthy one.

So, there’s a theme here, right? Be specific.  When the first lines of your online dating profile sound like everyone else’s, your potential match will just look through the pictures and move on.  That means your pictures better be DAMN good!

On that note, make sure that your photos are current.  You don’t want to end up like the Italian Meatball.  Photos should be current and should vary between headshots and photos showing your physique.  If you are bald, take the fucking baseball cap off!  You’re not fooling anyone.   Don’t show 15 photos where you’re wearing cargo shorts, a t-shirt, a baseball cap, crew socks, and tennis shoes.  This seems to be the uniform of men in their thirties and forties.  Show yourself in some casual shots, but also show that you can clean up well.

Finally, if you are seriously trying to find a nice woman, DO NOT take a picture of yourself shirtless in the bathroom mirror with your cell phone.  I delete every profile that has a shirtless man in it.  (This alone might explain why I’m not getting any dates from match.com.  Anthony Weiner’s habit of taking self portraits is really not that unique.)  The thing is, the message this sends is that the man is more interested in meaningless sex than in actually finding a woman for a long-term relationship.  If that’s your thing, great, but then don’t expect the caliber of the women you’re meeting to be particularly high.

Now, I need to go peruse my Daily 5.  I’ll skim the first two sentences, and if that doesn’t catch my attention, I’ll just scroll through the pictures.





Man #14, Bitter Boy

7 05 2011

Glass Half Empty Half FullI’m so f*#$ing pissed at myself.

Right on the heels of my declaration to stop being so nice, do you want to know what I go and do??  Yeah, you guessed it. I was nice again.

Damn it!!

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Man #14 contacted me through match.com, and after what seemed like far too many emails,  he asked if I wanted to meet for Happy Hour at Tacos Guaymas.  He seemed nice enough.  Plus, they serve a convenient economy-size $4.50 margarita during Happy Hour at Tacos Guaymas, so I agreed.

I’ve mentioned before how I dislike one sentence emails, but I had found myself being a little lax on the 140 character email rule.  I’m going to dedicate an entire post to a rant regarding texts, emails, and men at a future time, but let’s just say, that Man #14 had sent about 5 or 6 too many emails before finally asking me out on a date.

For the record, I don’t typically ask men out.  I wait for them to do it.  If it takes too long, I get bored and stop answering emails.  Not only that, but I have an inbox full of potential blog fodder.  I don’t have time to waste on a man who’s too passive to ask me out.  I just don’t.  Believe it or not, I have a life and other shit that needs to get done.

In spite of the fact that I had grown tired of emails that didn’t seem to be going anywhere, when Man #14 finally decided to ask me out, I welcomed it and was looking forward to meeting him.  I try to approach each new date with a positive outlook.  Otherwise, there would be no point in going, right?

I arrived at Tacos Guaymas to find Man #14 sitting at the bar. He was sipping a beer and eating the complimentary chips and salsa. I ordered my margarita, and we ordered food.  I don’t remember much about the conversation except that it turned out that he knew a couple of friends of mine, and I could not quite get a sense of whether he liked them or not.  The general vibe was neutral to negative though, and a man liking your friends is a big deal.

The second thing about the conversation that I remember is that, despite the fact that I told Man #14 that I don’t like to talk about exes on first dates, he proceeded to go on about his ex-wife.  This in combination with the fact that he sounded like he didn’t like my friends earned him the name Bitter Boy.  Overall, Bitter Boy did not seem to possess a very positive outlook on life, his divorce, and moving forward.  His divorce was four years ago.  I realize these things can be brutal, but no woman in her right mind wants to date a guy who sounds like he still has anger issues in regards to another woman.  I didn’t want to be rude or judge too harshly, but I found myself struggling  to find interesting, positive things to inject into the conversation.  He probably thought I was boring.

It’s becoming very clear to me how important it is that the men I date have a sense of humor.

Lastly, we talked a little about the bad luck he had had meeting people online.  He had a random assortment of online dating horror stories, but one thing he said was that women just seem to stop answering emails.

Really?

I tried to be nice.

The date lasted a couple of hours, we walked outside, and I thanked him for the date.  As we were saying good-bye, Bitter Boy said, “Well, I’ll leave the ball in your court.  If you want to go out again, call me.”

I heard myself say, “Ok.”

What I was really thinking as I walked away was, “Like that’s going to happen.  You don’t tell a woman with 86 other men to meet that she needs to call you for another date.”  Plus, I’m not going to go out on a second date with someone I didn’t even enjoy on the first date.

But, I haven’t even told you about how I was too nice yet.

So, I send the thank you message that I always send post date via text, and this seemed to give Bitter Boy an opening.  (Perhaps “Thank You” now means “She wants me” too.)  The next thing I know, I am getting one sentence text messages from Bitter Boy.  I responded to the first few texts, but there were a few I chose to avoid like, “Have you ever been to Maggotfest?”

The texts continued to the next day when he sent me a text commenting on the weather.  He wanted to know if I would want to walk my dog to a neighborhood bar.  I didn’t have anything going on that afternoon, so I thought, “Sure, why not?”  Something inside me must have remembered LB’s comment regarding not ruling guys out until after the second date.  It was nice outside, I was in a good mood, and I don’t know what I was thinking, so I said yes.

See, too nice.

Then he sent a text saying that he was glad I said yes, and how does next Monday sound?

WHAT?  WTF??

What was all that shit about the weather if he wasn’t talking about THAT afternoon?? Oh for fuck’s sake!

My saying yes to the second date was a mistake.  I’m not going. He kept sending me bullshit text messages, one sentence at a time…

…and I finally just stopped answering.

Photo here.








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