Man #28, The Chinaman

25 07 2012

No, before you ask, I can neither confirm nor deny the endowedness of The Chinaman. I didn’t go there.

I can also neither confirm nor deny via the internet whether or not the word endowedness is a real word. I fear it is one of those words people make up and use until it becomes common in the English language, like misunderestimated.

Could someone verify this for me, please?

Anyway, I’m feeling a little beat up lately. I’m not going to be a big crybaby, but I am going to whine about it for the next few sentences  paragraphs. You see, I don’t think I need my readers picking my dates for me. I know what I like in a man, and I knew there was nothing to pursue with The Chinaman before I ever went on a date with him. I only went because some of you who shall remain…(Kathy, Kat, and Will) …said I needed to step out of my box and start asking men out. Then, there was all this crap about the qualities I liked about him, how we had sought each other out throughout the evening, yada, yada, yada.

Plus, lately some of my friends have been alluding to this idea that I need to keep my dates around after I date them. To which I have to ask…

…WHY?

Do you people think I’m lonely?

According to Facebook, I have more friendships than I can reasonably be expected to maintain. I am not lacking in friends. Scratch that. I have a lot of acquaintances. I have a handful of friends. My friends are people I can summon in the middle of the night if there is an emergency. My friends know about my shady shenanigans, and they love me anyway. My friends know when to stop asking questions and just hand me the fucking corkscrew.

I don’t need to go around acquiring a stable of male friends. I’m looking for a romantic partner, someone for a long-term relationship, and someday, someday soon I hope, before everything shrivels up and falls apart, I would like to get laid.

The only way keeping my dates around makes sense is if I have future plans to host a singles party and invite single women and all of my cast-offs. I suppose that way, if a woman is looking for a man with a flavor saver shaped like a little bird feeder, she can have him. The Karaoke Kripple could go to a woman with Florence Nightingale Syndrome. And, perhaps, finally, The “Masseur” would find a woman who wants a “deep” massage.

Believe me, ladies. If you want them, you can have them.

But I digress, and I’m ranting again. I don’t want to rant. I just want to say that from now on I will be following my own compass. Thank you very much.

So, you’re probably wondering what happened with The Chinaman. Well, the acquisition of this date actually ended up being far more involved than I anticipated. Hence my justification for the above whining. Since The Chinaman and I had not exchanged numbers on the night of the party, I had to go through the hostess to let him know I was interested in seeing him again. I contacted the hostess of the singles’ party where The Chinaman and I had met. I had to provide his name and the tidbit he had provided, and she sent him an email, informing him of my interest.

See, right there, I knew I was sending the wrong signal, or at the very least, a signal that might be too strong for my actual intention.

Within a few days, I received an email from The Chinaman and we lobbed a few more emails back and forth before settling on a date and time to meet again.

We met and ate sushi at Blue C Sushi. You may remember that The Chinaman’s claim to fame was that he could clean out a buffet, and this was apparent as I watched the plates stack up on his side of the table. I had my usual spider roll, salmon, and cream puff for dessert.

We talked much like we had on the night of the singles’ party. It was a banter filled with mostly meaningless information. Neither one of us was really digging very hard for the kind of information you might be seeking if you’re actually seeking a relationship if you know what I mean. It was just chit-chat. It was nice. It wasn’t awkward. It just wasn’t anything to write home about, and I think it left The Chinaman wondering why I had contacted him for a date.

At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, gave me a peck on the cheek, and we said goodnight. Although The Chinaman is a really nice guy, he is too fine boned for me to find him sexually attractive. I’m also not going to keep him around in the friend zone, and, quite honestly, I don’t think most guys want to be “just friends” with a woman anyway. I happen to believe Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, in “When Harry Met Sally…”

Men and women can’t be friends.

I don’t care how intellectually attractive a man may be; if you can’t see yourself having sex with him at some point, it’s best to just release him back out into the pond. I might see The Chinaman at next year’s singles’ party, but we won’t be going out on a date again.

And finally, after a few more emails with The Flavor Saver, I have also decided that I won’t be going back for any more facial hair up the nose action either.

I don’t know. Am I wrong? How do guys really feel about being in the friend zone?

The photo at the top of this post is from Grammarly on Facebook. Go LIKE them.

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Cupcakes, Calories, and Calculations

17 04 2011

One of the things I’m enjoying about my little social experiment is the expansion of my network of friends.  The New England Newcomer has been exploring the area and trying to figure out if he wants to move from Tacoma to Seattle. He was in Seattle yesterday, checking out Ballard.

It had been ages since I had been to Cupcake Royale, so I met him yesterday afternoon for a walk around the Ballard neighborhood and for cupcakes and orange cream sodas.  I realized yesterday that the New England Newcomer would be a dangerous person for me to hang out with.  He’s a foodie.

And I’m supposed to be on a diet.

I didn’t eat lunch yesterday, so I could opt for buttercream and cane sugar syrup instead.  Hello sugar rush!!

Anyway, in addition to Cupcake Royale, I had to make sure the New England Newcomer knew where to find D’Ambrosio Gelato, the Hi-Life, The Tractor Tavern, and Conor Byrne Pub.  I don’t know if you would call our afternoon a date.  If it was, it was more like a “When Harry Met Sally” kind of date, just two friends, hanging out, walking around and talking.  There’s not really a spark there, but he’s a really nice guy. 

Yes, he’s in the friend zone.

I think my statistics class is getting to me.  I was thinking yesterday that I should create a data table of wins, losses, and no decisions for each man I date.  Wins could receive one point, no decisions would get a .5, and losses, 0.  Maybe friend dates like the one I had yesterday would be ruled as no decision dates.  They should count for something though.  I’m not sure what my data table would tell me yet, but I think the mathematical picture might help me in some way.  I’m also very dissatisfied with the current state of my Dating Prescription Scoreboard and don’t trust its accuracy without more detailed analysis.

I also think my inner geek is emerging.

God help me.





The Friend Zone

13 04 2011

(Sound of clock ticking.)

(The ticking grows louder.  The camera zooms in on the second hand of a clock hanging on the wall.)

No, seriously.  I need to stop.  It’s not like I’m just sitting around waiting to find out whether or not The Blues Man is interested in kissing me.  I have a date with Man #10 all lined up for tomorrow night, and Man #11 and Man #12 are in the calendar for next week. 

It feels good to finally hit the double digits.  It only took me two and a half months.  Oh my god, I WILL be 100 before I date 100 men! Well, no, maybe just 44.

Anyway, one thing I have noticed about The Blues Man is that he doesn’t move very fast.  I suppose, in some ways, that’s one of the things I like about him.  He’s not pushy, and his emails never make me feel uncomfortable.  He also almost always refers to me as Ms._____, which I think is sort of polite and cute at the same time.  He’s good for about one email per day.  Maybe he’s pacing himself. 

HOWEVER, a day feels like eons when you’re waiting to find out whether a man wants to kiss you or not.

(Sound of clock ticking.)

I’ve started to think that his slow responses are an indication that he’s not really attracted to me in a romantic way.  I mean, if a guy is really into a woman, he’ll put more into the pursuit, won’t he? 

He did email me after a month and a half though.  Most people on match.com would not bother to do that if they weren’t a little interested.

I’m pissed at myself for even giving it this much thought.  I have 91 more men to date for f*ck sake!

I think The Blues Man thinks I’m funny and he enjoyed hanging out with me on the one date that we had, but maybe he’s not attracted to me in “that way.”  I’m beginning to wonder if I may have entered the “friend zone,” and the friend zone is never good.

I did a little research to see what so-called dating experts suggest for anyone who feels they may have been sucked into the friend zone, and, as one would suspect, most of the articles are written for men.  I’m guilty of putting men in the friend zone a lot in the past, and in a way, this blog is one gigantic friend zone. Maybe I’m just finally getting a taste of my own bad medicine.

While I’m waiting for a response from The Blues Man, let’s look at the strategies I found for escaping the friend zone, shall we?  Here’s what I found:

  1. Break the “nice guy” or “sweet girl” stereotype.  I think this usually happens when the person in the friend zone doesn’t communicate their desire for a relationship.  They’re too nice to state their feelings upfront and don’t want to risk the relationship or don’t want to make the other person uncomfortable.  In a way, as botched as his attempt was, the Scorekeeper’s request for a kiss was a good way of avoiding the friend zone.  Well, in my case, I’ve asked The Blues Man for a kiss. Not much more I can do there or I would be violating strategy #2.
  2. Don’t be needy!  desperation is unattractive.  If it seems like you’re way more interested in the other party than they are in you or that you NEED a relationship, you may be sending out a vibe that is killing attraction.  STOP IT!  Get a life.  Find something else to do.  For example, you could go write a blog post instead of sending the person an email.  I try to stick to the 1 to 1 rule for emails and text messages just to avoid appearing too needy.  It could work for you too.
  3. Touch them.  Friends touch differently than romantic partners touch each other.  There are platonic and romantic ways to touch and each person will have different boundaries around touch.  If you’re afraid to touch the other person, they may never know that you want more from the relationship.  You could touch their arm, shoulder, hair, even reach for their hand.  If your touch feels uncomfortable to them, they will let you know.
  4. Consider the differences between a friendship and a romantic relationship. For some people a romantic relationship should start as a great friendship with physical intimacy thrown into the mix.  If this is you, then it’s understandable to look for common interests first, and wait for the physical attraction to kick in later. I have often felt that I would rather have a “When Harry Met Sally” kind of relationship than one based on lusty infatuation.  The latter tends to fizzle fairly quickly.  That said, some people don’t see relationships this way, and expect a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” to play a particular role in their lives in order for physical attraction to emerge. Many people (both male and female) expect to be courted in some way.  Ask the person you’re pining for what he or she wants in a girlfriend or boyfriend, and then decide whether you can be that for them.
  5. Don’t tie up your feelings on someone who is not romantically interested in you.  Basically, don’t hang around in the friend zone, pining over a person who will likely remain emotionally unavailable to you.  There are other fish in the sea, so go fishing.  One article I found on the friend zone said to let the person know they had competition.  Well, that would be fine in this case except The Blues Man doesn’t yet know about my blog.  Yeah, that’s right.  How’s that for a plot twist?  I’ve totally screwed this one up.  You see, I started the blog and had my first date, with him, before I had my shit together.  I’ve been trying to find a good time to bring it up.  He’s got competition alright.  Too bad he doesn’t know about it yet.  I need to fix the situation as soon as possible.

Either way I’m totally screwed.








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